#metoo

This clip is so powerful Please watch before you read the following👇
<click here to watch the clip>

All of the media frenzy this year around Title XI and Kavenaugh has been triggering the hell out of me because I am a survivor of abuse.

Some images and infographics that I also believe are powerful

Everyone needs to understand that right now there are millions of survivors and victims watching this unfold in our country and people are reliving their traumas. And why are millions of people feeling this way? Because we have to argue about what is ok to do to a woman/human. People opposing Dr. Ford are basically telling survivors too bad, and even worse, that it’s acceptable.

There are still things I’ve never told anyone, because as a survivor I #1 don’t want to remember #2 I want to protect the people who love me. It will break their hearts to hear what has been done to me in my 31 years earth side. I know this because it’s already happened with what I have shared in the past. Something’s I still can’t even write down or try to recall so how could I verbally tell someone and why would I tell someone? THERE IS NO ACCOUNTABILITY. Nothing would happen if I told anyone about anything that happened to me 10 years ago unless I file a civil lawsuit, then I will be thrust into a courtroom AGAIN just to have my life picked apart and have to recall details and keep my trauma top of mind??? NO THANK YOU.

Now if one of these people was up for supreme court you bet your ASS I’m coming out and doing the same thing as Dr. Ford has done.

I have made a report with vivid and embarrassing details when I filed for an emergency restraining order 10 or so years ago.

I was in an abusive relationship before my marriage and when I finally left the situation, I got a restraining order. In order to grant me a 12 month restraining order I had to testify, and to my surprise my abuser showed up at the hearing. I had to stand less than 5 feet from a man who damaged me in ways I still can’t come to terms with and he denied it all. When you file a restraining order a copy goes to the “abusers “ so he saw what I wrote. He denied everything. He even had the nerve to say “your honor, Austin is very smart, why would she stay with someone who did that to her” Knowing damn well those things happened. I still can’t handle that. The judge said that since it is “he said she said” she would use her best judgement and only because she believed I was a more creditable person she would grant me the order. It was humiliating. I shared vivid details of a three year span the included rape, physical abuse, being tied up and left for periods of time, and being held against my will. That was and is in the court records and they didn’t pursue anything further, nor would they. There was no proof. This person is still out there in the world doing this to other people and having children. I shudder when I think what his child and the mother are going through. I’m sure they live in hell everyday. I know I did. 3 years of hell. I can’t explain why I stayed none of us can, that is at the heart of the abuse and if you have not experienced this you have no creditable comments on the matter. What we should be talking about is how to change our culture and make everyone feel safe, punish abusers and hold them accountable for their actions.
Everywhere I go people are talking about this Kavanagh hearing , and it makes me cringe. It makes me want to run home and crawl in my bed, but I don’t, I can’t. I have a life full of other things that need my attention. I’ve been trying to share my experience and help educate people who are blinded by political agendas and media bias and I ask you to do the same thing.

Look away from your TVs and think about it. Think about what I just shared. Think there are millions like me. MILLIONS. Stop normalizing toxic masculinity and violence.

I’m also going through a divorce. I have been spending a lot of time in the court room again. This time i’m testifying to end my marriage. I’m so triggered that I can barely keep a single thought on track. I think the most horrific thing right now is our country is full of people being triggered and not being able to talk or not wanting to talk.
This country allows women to be sexually assaulted, beaten, raped and paid less among other things… I also want to acknowledge that this happens to ALL people not just women. I am just sharing my experience and perspective as a woman.

So….
Fuck right off to everyone who is saying anything about this that is not a victim themselves. YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO HAVE AN OPINION ON SOMEONE ELSE’S PAIN AND TRAUMA!!!!!!!

This whole situation makes me feel hollow and small. Like the opposition is attacking me, or will come at me. It’s a very raw and vulnerable feeling….so I keep having to unplug…..I read others with similar experiences and I an heartbroken how wide spread this is… It’s almost like I don’t know any women who haven’t been abused…
I struggle to wrap my mind around this blasphemy that is taking place in our country. It’s gross, and unacceptable. We have to break this toxic cycle.
Believe women.
To all survivors and victims struggling in this time, I am with you, you are strong and you are allowed to feel what you are feeling right now. If you need or want to talk please message me. I will hold space for you, I care about you and it will get better.