Being alone, this is new….

Yesterday I went to the Puyallup fair to volunteer at the #wguwashington education booth.

I got free admission for volunteering so I decided that after my shift I was going to try and enjoy the fair by myself
Being a traumatically new single person, I thought it would be a good test of my independence.

Having been in a relationship for the last 8 years and now living alone in a rural area far from friends and family, I have learned that if I want to do something I need to take myself out and go do it or I will never leave my house. Case and point: Last week, I went 7 days without seeing a person that I knew (I work from home- so I seriously rarely leave)

I HAVE to take myself out or I will be a legitimate crazy cat lady way sooner than planned.

After my shift relief came I went straight to get ride tickets, I was determined to go on a ride or two. At first it felt empowering, having a good time on my own. I had not been to the fair for at least 6 years and had never gone alone. I went on the swings since the were no lines and the rain had stopped for a moment.

After the ride, I was lucky enough to have a quick hug session with some of my family who ended up being at the fair at the same time.

I saved my last 10 tickets to ride the Farris Wheel but I was unpleasantly surprised when I approached the attendant and she told me that I could not ride the Farris wheel with out another person. In that moment, I felt the most alone I had ever felt in my life. I walked off the ramp, stood in the rushing crowd and cried. That feeling was so empty and alone it shook me too my core.

Separation in any relationship is difficult, especially trying to find yourself again after your life crumbles in front of you and nothing has been, or is what it seems.

This experience felt ugly but also humbling and necessary.

After I wiped my tears I ate a HUGE paper tray of French fries and left.

On my way home I stopped and had some much needed girl time with 2 of my oldest friends, after which I was completely uplifted and renewed. Sometimes, you need another person(s) to ride this thing called life and sometimes you just need to walk away and do it alone. As sad as I was to be turned away from riding the Farris wheel, I’d rather be crying alone in a rushing crowd than have a hollow partner just to ride the rides.
#perspective